Last night I had freaking awesome sex!
Maybe a bit too much of an overshare, my apologies if you don’t want to read about my sex life, if that is the case I suggest you stop now, there are some other great blogs to be found on my site that are less personal but just as helpful, maybe check out http://www.massageonthemoors.co.uk/blog_detail.php?idBlog=51
So back to the great sex. I am all about the bliss, lomi lomi massage has taught me a connection with bliss and joy that is beyond anything I knew existed.
When it comes to massage, when it comes to spiritual, soul shaking bliss I am all over it. I can eat mindfully, anyone ever done a chocolate meditation? That is some of the sexiest chocolate you will ever eat, the smell, the slow melting on your tongue, the taste of the divine, it can be pretty damn good! And blissful massage takes you beyond anything sexual, it is a meeting of energy that rocks your world. The rhythm, the oil, the flow of movement, the warmth, the feeling of being held, of being safe-this is not sex, it is light energy that heals at such a deep level you can access that part of your pleasure soul that is beyond anything sex can give you. It is love in its purest form. The ecstasy of deep stretching, of pushing your body to the point where it can let go of its need to hold and be ‘safe’ Be that through yoga, through exercise, through physical therapy, there is deep joy to be found in all of these activities!
But sex has always carried a slightly more salubrious undercurrent for me. I have found it incredibly difficult to tap into these levels of joy and bliss when it comes to sex unless under the influence of drugs that strip away all the bullshit that I carry in my own head, and as a choice I no longer do these drugs, so it has seemed an elusive thing for me.
But suddenly I have found that I can actually get out of my own head!
So, what is that bullshit in my head, how did I get rid of it, and how does this help you have awesome sex??
Sex for me has been a source great pain and shame. I am not getting into the nitty gritty of it in this blog, if you want that story you are going to have to wait for my book to come out! But there is a great irony for me that I have always been pretty awakened sexually, I am an immensely tactile and loving person, I adore intimacy, do not carry huge amounts of body shame, and have always been aware of and utilised when I felt necessary my sexual confidence. But to access those deep levels of bliss and joy when it came to sex felt almost impossible.
Over the years I have carried so many stories around, those of being slutty, those that to desire and enjoy is in some way wrong. Self-worth issues that made me always prioritise the sexual pleasure of my partner over my own. Sex became far more transactional than connecting. What was missing? Why could I access deep bliss and joy from nearly every other aspect of life, yet sexual joy (and I am not talking orgasms here, but an energetic connection) was not available to me.
I know I am not alone in feeling this way. I speak to so many men and women who carry similar stories, who feel that this level of bliss is not available to them. That feel that the level of openness, surrender, vulnerability is too scary a space for them.
Lomi lomi helped me to realise the depths of pleasure and bliss that my body is capable of, but I still needed to strip away all the layers of shame, fear and conditioning to enable me to access it in these moments of intimacy.
How do you do this? I hear you cry! Stop with the story telling and give us the key to this freaking awesome sex!!
Well, I have been letting go of my own stories, shedding them like a snake’s skin every time I grow for many years now, the process can be long, and it can be surprising but in short:
Journaling; You can literally use pen and paper as some kind of power up, a samurai sword to power through your thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Journaling is so important. Your journal is your personal power tool to up-levelling your bliss and joy. You can use it to pinpoint how you feel, I mean really feel, and why. You can use it to create focus on how you want to feel, intentional living only really works if you set an actual intention worth living up to! Your journal is your space to let rip at those who have hurt you, and a space to get creative with what those hurtful feelings mean, and to understand and learn the lessons. Your journal is your space to fall back in love with yourself, to brag about how freaking awesome you are, to embody all of the things that you want to be, and realise that you are in fact all of that and more. Your journal is your best buddy.
Meditation; One of those most powerful ways to get out of your own head is to learn to let thoughts go, learn to bring yourself completely and utterly into the moment. There are so many different sorts of meditation available, but how about trying the chocolate meditation I mentioned earlier. It really is essentially eating a small piece of the best quality chocolate you can, but with the upmost ceremony. Smell it, taste every complex flavour, maybe play with it, letting it melt a little in your fingers first. Allow that piece of chocolate to melt slowly in your mouth, breathing intentionally right down to your root, raise your vibe, connect in with the bliss. You may notice that there is no sitting cross legged, or strange chanting, and that is because meditation can be so many different things.
Honesty; Now this is the big one, and this is where I am pretty sure I have made the big shift into moving forwards. I appreciate this may not be available to everyone, but have a think if you can in some way incorporate this very special part of healing. As I mentioned before shame has been a big factor for my not being able to totally immerse myself in the moment. I am currently writing a book; this book is being written as a way of working through my own story. It has been hugely cathartic in remembering how things were, and really remembering the great bits. The problem is sometimes traumatic events have a way of becoming this huge monster and the shadow of them covers up the good bits. Also, I have begun to unravel how things occurred, the order of events, the different people involved. I am only about a quarter of the way through and it has been amazing and beautiful to reveal parts of me that I had forgotten about, deeper parts of me that I really resonate with and recognise that had been pushed away. I am lucky enough to still be in contact with some of the people from this period, one in particular who I hadn’t spoken to in a very long time, we just occasionally messaged each other. But one of the joys of this lockdown is people are reaching out, reconnecting on a deeper level. So, we actually spoke. We talked about our past, we were honest (it was light hearted!) And I found out stuff that I never knew. I found out that I did matter, that I was loved, respected and that my choices also impacted on other people. I heard a different side to one of the stories of my past that was enlightening. What I did next was I sent the first rough copy of the beginning of my book to this person, all full of my stories, my vulnerabilities, my shame. And do you know what happened? Nothing. The world didn’t end. I was powerfully and authentically honest and true, and nobody told me I was a liar, nobody called me a slut, nobody laughed in my face and told me I had got it all wrong. There was no shame, no blame, just a realisation that I could be that honest, that true to myself and nobody was judging.
And that was that, by being honest, by being authentic, by connecting in with myself and sharing what I needed, what I felt, what I wanted I let go of the shame.
Which nicely led onto me being able to really connect in with what I wanted in that moment of pleasure, to not be worrying about shame and judgement. Because it is these 2 things that have held me back so much. But I am finally coming out of my cocoon, I will be spreading my wings in all their beautiful extravagance and flying into bliss, joy and freedom!
If this resonates with you, if you would like further help in unlocking and shedding your stories so you too can experience the blissful connected life you are craving then drop me an email email@example.com
If I can’t offer you the deep blissful massage that is lomi lomi whilst this whole worldwide pandemic is ongoing, I can at the very least help you unlock your own superpowers of bliss and joy via online healing and coaching.
Sending you love and bliss xx