This blog was written last year when I was a practicing birth coach, I am sharing it again as there is still a need for ladies to know that birth can be awesome, that they are awesome, and that with or without donkey dave they are going to rock childbirth like a queen!
Donkey Dave and his crew are here to help you have an amazing birth!
Now unfortunately Donkey Dave and his crew are not going to be coming into the birth centre with you to entertain you whilst you are in labour, I apologise (or perhaps that’s a good thing!!)
The reason Donkey Dave can help you with your birth is a simple mindset skill I have for you.
So I want you to skip through the labour bit, you have done your breathing, your swaying, some great moaning, possibly some marching and stamping, a lot of bouncing, gone through a bit of swearing (yes I am talking labour and not the Donkey Dave show, hmm interesting similarity though??)
You are now at the stage where your baby is coming down and out, the bit where you feel so intensely full of baby, the stretching bit, and there is a message here that we often hear
“The ring of fire” “I felt like I was going to split in two”
And it’s true, the moment your baby’s head starts to crown is pretty intense, and I am not going to lie to you, there may well be a point where you think, this isn’t going to come out of there, or have serious concerns for your clitoris, but it is also suddenly wonderfully real, tangibly close, you can feel your baby, there is an end in sight, you can actually do this, you are doing this, so why is it so scary? Because we have been told to fear it, because it is a point that our brain suddenly recognises as a bad bit, a bit to tense up about, a bit to just get over with and blow the consequences, just get it over with!
Now stop, breath, pull yourself together for a moment, I need you to relax and just read on.
I am now going to ask you to think of every social cliché about men’s dicks, every pornographic male image, the vast majority of dildo’s, they are as a general rule BIG! And that is apparently a good thing! Now whether we as women agree with this or not we are encouraged to see a big object in our vagina as a pleasurable sensation, yet when it comes to a baby gently stretching and filling our vagina that is apparently something to be feared.
We need to re wire our thinking, we need to accept the sensation of being full of baby as a wonderful and fulfilling sensation, as a pleasurable sensation.
Now I am not going to go all orgasmic birth on you, that’s for another day, but there is no denying that sex, sexual pleasure and making babies go together. There are so many links, from the basic biology of making babies, to the link between oxytocin (the hormone of orgasm and contractions amongst other things) Prostaglandins to soften and ripen the cervix (found in very high quantities in semen) To the fact your baby comes out of your vagina, one of the most sensitive and pleasurable parts of your body.
As women we need to reclaim this sensation as ours, as something we can truly embrace and revel in, by choosing to relax, be open to the sensations of fullness, to experience the sensation as powerful, as fulfilling as the ultimate sensation of birth, to not fear it and rush through it, but slow it down, take it easy, accept the sensual nature of the moment, the power of the moment. Be in control, breath, groan, moan, swear (I did, but it was a good swear, not a bad one) but don’t be scared.
Don’t fear the arrival of your baby, this is what you have wanted and waited for, this is what you have laboured for, this is your moment. Don’t let false words of fear take away your pleasure, relax, embrace, release, be vocal, shout it out and enjoy every damn wonderful moment of your body being stretched, and opening for your baby. It is amazing, you are amazing!
Positive birth is simply how you feel about it, not what happens, how or where you birth, but how you feel about it, this is why mindset is such an important thing. If you would like to be surrounded in positivity, if you would like a bit of a kick up the backside to empower you to birth the way you want to birth then give me a shout. I offer amazing and beautiful pregnancy massage, served up with a large slab of positivity and know how on how you can have the birth that you want.