Touch; it is our natural instinct to enjoy human touch. As babies we crave contact, skin to skin, massage, cuddles and kisses, all are enjoyed with a beautiful hungry greed. It is innocent, it is soothing it is love.
But when the intention behind touch is not coming from a place of loving kindness it changes, it doesn’t feel so good, it can hurt, it can be mean, it can create fear, even traumatise, the power of touch is immense, but that swings both ways, good and bad.
Having experienced the painful traumatic side of touch in the form of both rape and long term sexual abuse I have built up some protective barriers that to this day still trigger certain responses in me of being unsafe in situations where the intent of touch is even in the slightest way not from a place of loving connection.
For me this means that a simple trip to the spa with a disinterested or overworked therapist can have some long lasting effects, having a shit massage aside I have noticed that the feeling of being vulnerable and unsafe then triggers up all sorts of other responses in me. I become easily ‘touched out’ by my kids, I avoid intimacy with my husband, I become a super crazy control freak and I start locking down my emotions again as the unpredictable nature of feelings is a no go when I am triggered.
The same effect can come from a visit to the dentist or hygienist, ok not a pleasant experience generally, but if I have somebody working on me who isn’t connected and intentful in what they are doing again those feelings of being unsafe and vulnerable trigger the same responses.
I recently had the pleasure to train with Nisarga Eryk Dobosz an amazing and beautiful therapist in the art of Lomi Lomi massage. Now I always thought that I was connected and focussed in my work as a therapist, but what I learnt with Nisarga blew that completely out of the water. My heart and soul have been opened up to a new level of intent, focus and love that I didn’t know I was capable of. I experienced some of the most profound massages from other trainees, some of whom had never done any massage before, yet with this powerful intent and focus the treatment received was like nothing I have ever experienced. And how do I know it was the intent and focus that made the magic? By receiving a treatment from an experienced body worker on the course who was perhaps at that particular time not focussed, perhaps tired, perhaps not truly connected with me as a receiver, and that treatment was potentially quite triggering for me. I felt unsafe, I felt done to, and at one point I felt quite sick. Luckily I was in a space surrounded by people who could hold space and allow me to process and connect in with what was essentially a response to an old trauma and so allow it to flow away with loving kindness. This person didn’t actually hurt me, and didn’t intend any harm, I can see this, so I can stop the trigger. I forgive them, I offer them love and understanding, and I also forgive myself for being triggered and allow myself to move forwards in love. I will not continue to be a victim of my past, a shit massage is just that, it’s a shame, but it will not harm me.
Being mindful of your intention when touching another person is hugely important, taking the time to connect in with a person can make a significant difference. To show care in how you work, in every aspect of what you do creates a feeling of loving kindness.
You never know when somebody may have experienced traumatic touch, and just because you may not be being particularly intimate with somebody don’t under estimate the effect that your touch or actions can have on another person.
By setting the intention to go about your day in a state of loving kindness, to allow flow and flexibility in your approach, in your actions can have a hugely beneficial effect on not only your own emotional wellbeing, but on those who you come into contact with on a daily basis.
My long term intention now is to share this gift I have learnt both professionally and personally.
If you have been affected by traumatic touch in any way and would like to talk about how the beautiful healing of Lomi Lomi can help heal the wounds left behind then please book a call with me, I am happy to talk it through with you as totally understand and respect that you need to feel safe to take this step forward into healing.
I offer healing Lomi lomi treatments at my beautiful studio space in Bolventor, surrounded by nature, peace and beauty. I will also be hosting a retreat in the sunshine later this year which will focus on mind body and soul. If you would like to join me for this then please sign up for the newsletter so you will be the first to know about future events and be able to take advantage of the early bird offers.
Me Ka Aloha x
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